Announcer: Good evening ladies and gentlemen, we are coming to you live from the University of North Dakota, at the beautiful Ralph Engelstad Arena, home of the #2-ranked college hockey team in America, the Fighting…um…er…the University of North Dakota!
Color Commentator: And what an impressive facility this is! Plush seats, granite walls, maybe the best place to see a game in America. But folks are having to stream in carefully tonight under all the scaffolding; the NCAA is making us tear out the six exterior signs that say “Home of the Fighting…” well, you know, that phrase that is so offensive. We’ll have those down in no time.
Announcer: Oh, you bet. Meanwhile, the inside remains as beautiful as ever. And the compromise that the NCAA and the University have struck seems pretty fair. Nice to see that we get to keep that engraving of a huge Fighting…um…er…”Native American” in the granite floor. He’s a handsome fellow, love the feathers!
Color Commentator: I was always impressed by him. And you gotta think that all those brass medallions on all the seat backs with an image of a…um…”Courageous Warrior” on them, they’re safe from memorabilia hunters. Our fans are the greatest, they would never steal anything with an image of…of…”One of Those Guys Who Wiped Out Custer” on them.
Announcer: Nah, never happen. And the NCAA is also letting us keep the image on all the carpeting, at least until it wears out and has to be replaced
Color Commentator: And, heck, by then, we’ll have a new mascot! That’ll be great. I’m sure the University of North Dakota will move quickly on that.
Announcer: Um, yeah. OK, so here we go! The teams are heading out onto the ice. And here they are! Ladies and gentlemen, first the visitors, the Terriers of Boston University! And now, your home-town team, seven-time national champions, from the University of North Dakota, the Fighting…goshdarnit!…the University of North Dakota!
Color Commentator: Wow! Would you look at those brand new uniforms! Simple, elegant, no fancy designs at all. Just classic white and green, and UND on the front. Wait a minute, what’s UND?
Announcer: The University of North Dakota!
Color Commentator: Oh, right.