Please excuse the following; we\u2019re a little wired this morning.<\/p>\n
Humans have never been \u201cmorning people\u201d.\u00a0 Ever since we crawled out of caves, we\u2019ve been looking for a better way to wake up. \u00a0Seven thousand years ago, a Chinese emperor realized that if you dunk tea leaves in hot water, the resulting brew kick-starts your day.\u00a0 It became the world\u2019s first pick-me-up and quickly conquered the known world.\u00a0 China went on to become the world\u2019s pre-eminent tea grower, and now produces almost a million metric tons per year. \u00a0Those potent leaves are worth one and a half billion dollars.<\/p>\n
Next came coffee, heathen punk.\u00a0 It was discovered in Ethiopia in 600 AD, just as Islam was launched.\u00a0 The plants didn\u2019t grow well in Europe, so the Christians demonized coffee for a thousand years.\u00a0 But, as soon as the Spaniards realized they could grow coffee in the New World, Pope Clement VIII blessed the stuff.\u00a0 Suddenly, coffee was hot.\u00a0 It soon overtook tea as our jolt of choice.\u00a0 Today, Brazil holds the title of \u201cThe Caffeineator\u201d thanks to its yearly output of six billion beans worth of beans.<\/p>\n
But we were still yawning.\u00a0 In 1962, a Thai businessman developed a drink called \u201cKrating Daeng,\u201d which was co-opted in 1984 by an Austrian named Dietrich Mateschitz, who translated the name into \u201cRed Bull\u201d.\u00a0 Loaded with taurine, an amino acid found in ox bile – as well as buckets of sugar, a week\u2019s worth of B vitamins, carbohydrates and caffeine – Red Bull is a real eye opener.\u00a0 Even the packaging is hyperbolic, claiming that Red Bull \u201cimproves performance, increases concentration and reaction speed, increases endurance and stimulates metabolism.\u201d\u00a0 It must be true, because millions of adolescents are slurping the stuff by the gallon.\u00a0 Red Bull sales will easily top $1B this year.<\/p>\n
Now the only people still sleeping are the US Food and Drug Administration. \u00a0Outside America, selling bovine stomach acid to minors seems suspicious.\u00a0 Red Bull is being investigated by the Swedish National Food Administration after being linked to the death of three consumers.\u00a0 Red Bull marketing is restricted in Denmark, Norway, France and Iceland.\u00a0 The Brits won\u2019t sell it anyone under 16, and the Finns will sell you only one can per day.<\/p>\n
We were intrigued.\u00a0 We were tired. \u00a0We swigged a can an hour ago.\u00a0 Would we have another?\u00a0 Not for all the tea in China.<\/p>\n
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