OMMG! As in, “Oh My Messenger God!”

Maybe you’ve already heard. About a celestial body who is hot, fast and magnetic. He’s emotional and moody, ranging from -280 to +800 degrees every single day. And, most importantly, he is erratic, moving oddly about in the sky, drawing an orbit shaped like flower petals.

To the ancients, this was pretty impressive stuff, so they concluded this guy must be up to something. The Greeks revered his speed, so he became an icon synonymous with athletics. He also moved independently throughout the sky, so they concluded he must be a messenger. His talent for disappearing and reappearing suddenly meant he must know the paths to the underworld; perhaps he was guiding souls to the afterlife. From there he became equated with transitions and boundaries, and became the patron of travelers and herdsmen. His name may come from the Greek word for “cairn,” a rock pile that lines a route or denotes a border. That word is Hermes.

The Romans were much more practical people, so they spun Hermes into something more commercial. His ability to move fast, cross borders, deliver messages and persuade others meant that he must have a powerful impact on business. And the Latin word for commerce is “merx,” – which we still see today in words like “merchandise” and the word for the middle of the work week, Wednesday, which in French is “mercredi” and in Spanish is “miercoles” – so the Romans renamed him Mercury.

And if you’ve heard all this, perhaps you’ve also heard that next week, this guy is gonna go all trickster on us. Yep, starting on January 21 at 10:54AM, and for the next three weeks, the messenger god will appear to move backwards across the sky. And, as the astrologers will tell you, this retrograde motion will result in nothing less than widespread technological disruption, communication breakdowns, and mass hysteria. Back up your computer now, it will be worthless starting next Wednesday. Expect misunderstandings, missed connections, and international conflict. And please, don’t make any agreements or sign any contracts, or the cosmos will punish you. You’ve been warned.

But then again, hold on, wait just one moment. There’s something else the astrologers are telling us. This isn’t just a time of misbehavior, it’s a time of crossing over. The messenger god is moving from his rational, commercial self to something more creative. From left brain to right brain. “Mercury in retrograde” is a time for powerful reflection and taking stock of where you’ve been. A time of powerful intuition and figuring out just where you’d like to go next. And most importantly, it’s a time to get ready.

Yup, the commercial messenger god, the master of boundaries, is about to get funky. Commerce and creativity are about to comingle. Which makes “Mercury in retrograde,” the best time to remake your messages.

So now you’ve heard: the universe is telling you to go get a good marketing firm.

(And to that end we’d also remind you that Mercury also goes by another name…)

It’s written in the stars. You need an ad agency called quickSilver.