The world is quickly becoming a more sinister place.

Nobody is sure what “natural” percentage of the human population is left-handed.  A study of ancient jewelry reveals that about 10% of all pieces were twisted by left-handed artisans; other ancient sources suggest that percentage is probably accurate.  But everyone IS certain that southpaws have been mistrusted for centuries.  Despite the fact that Julius Caesar himself was cack-handed, the Roman Empire looked upon the keck-fisted with disdain.  The Latin word for right, “dexter,” means both right-handed and skillful; the term for left-handed, “sinistrum”, indicates evil.  Most world languages share this prejudice against the gibble-fisted.

During the Victorian era, many English students attended school with their left hand tied behind their back, a practice that continued into the 1960’s.  The Industrial Revolution furthered the persecution, with cuddy-wifters forced to use dangerous equipment designed for the right-handed.  Numerous studies have shown that the number of gar-paws in the population has decreased, and the average life-span for the evil-handed may be less than for “normal” people who use their dexter.

Until recently.  A study released last month from University College London suggests that the skiffle-handed are making a comeback, with the number of dolly-paws tripling over the past 100 years.  Research suggests the rise might be due to the fact that when older women give birth, or when an ultrasound is used during pregnancy, the odds of having a left-handed child seem to increase.  Or perhaps the rise of service economies utilizing hand-neutral instruments like keyboards and cellphones has caused lefty-stigma (and lefty-mortality) to decrease.   Whatever the reason, it’s suddenly cool to be caggy.

Call ‘em clicky, kerry, squiffy or scoochy, there’s a lot more sinister lefties than ever before.

But you still can’t buy a good left-handed can opener.