Christmas used to be so quaint.

Remember the old days when Christmas was embarrasingly lo-tech? I’m referring, of course, to the Yule Log. Admit it, if you’re a New Yorker you can remember when WPIX Channel 11 would play interminable Christmas carols over a visual of a toasty fireplace. Somehow, the fire burned continually, hour after hour, without anyone ever replacing the log or the ashes burning down. It may have been the most simplistic entertainment ever created.

Thank goodness the internet provides our kids much more advanced holiday offerings. Take, for example, ReindeerCam.com (subhead: “Santa’s Official Reindeer Live Feed,” so it must be the real deal), which features ongoing up-to-the-minute surveillance footage of Santa’s team doing…absolutely nothing. It’s just a couple reindeer not dashing or dancing, just sitting in their paddock waiting for Christmas. A loop of insipid music plays continually. At 11AM, 6PM and 9PM, a guy in a red suit comes out and feeds them some hay. (Interestingly, on Saturday and Sunday there’s only one feeding at 6PM, which makes one wonder what Santa’s up to on the weekends.) If you email the site your child’s name, they’ll add it to their “nice” list which scrolls at the bottom. And if you’re too busy to get to your computer, don’t worry, you can download the reindeercam app for your phone. Awesome.

What’s that? Your kids want a more intimate interaction with St. Nick? OK, check out SayHelloSanta.com, where they can enjoy live video chats with the jolly old elf. Just go on the site via your computer or phone, and schedule a time that works for you. Santa will pop up and talk to you as long as you want, and the call is recorded to your account so they can relive the magic again and again. The best part is, it’s only $14.99, and if you apply the code “JOLLY” you can save 5 bucks. What a bargain.

The only way to get closer to Santa, of course, is to go wait in line and sit on his lap at the Galleria. But kids these days are so suspicious. And if the experience doesn’t involve technology, it somehow won’t seem, y’know, REAL enough for them. So here’s what you do. Grab your phone. Pull up Google Maps. Search for directions to the local mall. And tell your kids it’s the official “SantaLocator” app, now available for iPhone and Android. Maybe they’ll buy it.

Isn’t technology wonderful? Kids today sure are lucky.

But, on second thought, I think I prefer the old-school version. Give me the WPIX Yule Log. And thanks to the magic of the internet, there’s a way to get it. It’s called YouTube.

Ho-Ho-Hum.