Teddy Higuera just won the Cy Young award as the best pitcher in the American League.  Pretty impressive, considering he retired 12 years ago.

When the Mitchell Report on steroid use in Major League Baseball was released this week, it contained a few surprises.  The most noteworthy name on the list of users is Roger Clemens, winner of 7 Cy Young awards stretching back to 1986.  Now, with his name tarnished, it’s possible that he (and all the other enhanced performers) will have their records expunged or at least “asterisked.”  Which means that Teddy Higuera, runner-up to Clemens in 1986, will be due his Cy Young award.  Other runner-ups who will move to the top of the charts include Jimmy Key (1987), Scott Erickson (1991), Randy Johnson (1997), Pedro Martinez (1998), Mark Mulder (2001) and Randy Johnson – again (2004).  Congratulations, gentlemen.

Now, that’s just ONE set of awards for ONE player.  Imagine the revisionist history about to unfold!  Consider:  Frank Thomas just won the 2000 AL MVP, due to the needle marks found in former winner Jason Giambi’s arm.  The 1991 AL Rookie of the Year is now Juan Guzman, courtesy of Chuck Knoblauch’s destroyed liver.  Andy Van Slyke is 1992’s NL Hitting Champ, as Gary Sheffield is sent to detox.  Albert Belle is the AL MVP for 1995, thanks to Mo Vaughn’s syringe.  And little-known Pat Hentgen won more games than any other AL pitcher in 1996, thanks to Andy Pettitte being an addict.  The list of shame goes on and on and on.

The best part is, you can play along!  Just pull out your record book and start crossing off names.  Here’s an easy one to get you started: go to the list labeled “Career Home Run Leaders”.  Cross off the name B-A-R-R-Y B-O-N-D-S.  That removes his enormous ego and his chemically-inflated head, and puts Hank Aaron right back where he belongs.

At the top of the list.