In the animal kingdom, bigger is definitely better, and artificial augmentation is a key to success.

But in this case we’re talking about birds, not humans.  In a recent study, Spanish biologists were investigating the nesting habits of small birds of prey called kites.  They discovered that, across the species, the most successful mating pairs lived in the largest nests.  The bigger the nest, the more impressive the territory they controlled and the more offspring they produced.  But then the researchers noticed something else:  many of these mongo nests were adorned with scraps of plastic, which flapped garishly in the breeze.  At first the researchers assumed the purpose of the plastic was to attract mates, but then they noticed that the kites kept adding plastic even after mating and having families.

So the researchers did a plastic-nest-audit.  And they found that smaller nests usually had little or no plastic and were inhabited by meek birds that were constantly being attacked by other kites, sometimes up to six times an hour.  As a result, they were constantly stressed and produced fewer offspring.  Meanwhile the larger, artificially enhanced nests were almost never assaulted.  The nests with the most garish amounts of white plastic – if you’re a Spanish kite, white is the new black – invariably were home to the largest, most powerful and successful mating pairs.

One would think that the success of these artificial nest enhancements would lead all the other kites to imitate that behavior.   But no.  When the researchers added white plastic to some of the smaller nests, it was immediately removed.   And surprisingly, it was removed by those nests’ own inhabitants, apparently out of subservience to their larger-and-artificially-enhanced neighbors.  So it seems that plastic nest building is not so much a factor for success as it is an earned privilege of the ruling alpha-kites, and a sign of their superiority over their pitiful organic neighbors.

It’s survival of the fittest for the polymer age.  And, fittingly, it brings a whole new meaning to that old plastic trash bag slogan:  wimpy wimpy wimpy, HEFTY HEFTY HEFTY!!