One good thing about Global Warming: it’s no longer cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.

Well…actually… the reason isn’t really meteorological, it’s etymological.

We are told that this well-known phrase originates from the British navy. Supposedly, sailors would place a square brass enclosure called a “monkey” on the deck, and build a pyramid of iron cannonballs within it. (It’s as common an image for a fighting ship as a guy with an eye patch and a parrot on his shoulder.) And, supposedly, whenever it got really, really cold, the brass would shrink to the point where it could no longer contain the cannonballs. And, supposedly, they would pop out of the form and roll all over the deck.

Blimey, that’s cold!  However, this colloquial myth has been debunked by none other than the Oxford English Dictionary, for no less than five reasons: 1. there is no legitimate source that refers to a “brass monkey” ever being such a thing; 2. cannonballs would not be stored out on the deck, which had to be kept as clear as possible; 3. no thinking person would construct a pyramid of cannonballs on a vessel that lists back and forth; 4. iron shot would not be left out in the open to rust, and 5. brass just doesn’t shrink that much.  Bloody ‘ell.

OK, so where does the phrase come from?

Ultimately, it goes back to Japan, and the shrine of Toshogu in Nikko. Here, carved into the wood, is the original “three wise monkeys” that see no evil, hear no evil, say no evil. They became a well-known folk icon, so much so that by the 19th century they were being cast in brass and sold as souvenirs. Soon brass monkeys were ubiquitous around the world. And not long after that, they became a colorful catch-all reference for a particularly frigid day. It could be cold enough, for example, to freeze the tail, or the ears, or the nose off a brass monkey.

And the monkeys could be used to describe pretty much ANY weather condition. For example, the thermostat might rise so high that it becomes  – as described in Herman Melville’s autobiography Omoo, published in 1847 – “‘ot enough to melt the nose h’off a brass monkey.”

So, apologies to the British Navy, but we’ve got to debunk the monkey.

Meanwhile, back on the current weather front, so far this winter in Jersey we’ve rarely dropped below 20 degrees, we’ve had almost no snow, and the pond isn’t looking like ice skating is on the schedule. The forecast calls for highs in the 50’s for the next few days.

Is this the new normal? Is the global meltdown really underway? Should we be concerned?

Or should we just do as they do in Washington: cover your eyes, don’t listen, and don’t say a word.

Which brings us to a whole new modern twist on a well-worn phrase.

To wit: if you don’t believe in Global Warming, you’re as willfully ignorant as a bunch of brass monkeys.