Let’s get one thing straight. Taiwan is NOT competing at the Winter Olympics. NOT. As in NO WAY.

If “Taiwan” was competing at the Winter Olympics, it would cause an international incident. China, which holds authority over Taiwan (honestly, it really does, don’t say anything different or they will get upset), simply wouldn’t let Taiwan compete as an independent nation. You have to remember that, after World War 2, when the Japanese were defeated, the island known as “Taipei” was given back to the Chinese and has remained part of China ever since (honest). Never you mind that, when the Chinese Civil War ended in 1949, 2 million refugees under Chiang Kai-shek evacuated the mainland and set up the Republic of China (ROC) on an island they called “Taiwan.” As far as the People’s Republic of China was concerned, it was still part of China. And never you mind that, during the Korean War, President Truman, in order to stop the spread of communism, “neutralized” the island from China and kicked any discussion of its sovereignty over to the United Nations. And never you mind that, in 1952, a formal peace was concluded between the ROC and Japan, but NOT with any participation of the People’s Republic of China, putting Taiwan into a quasi-independent limbo that has lasted ever since. As far as the world is concerned, “sovereignty over the area is an unsettled question subject to future international resolution.” But don’t tell China, don’t say that out loud. As far as China is concerned, Taiwan is not a country, it is called Taipei and it is part of China. It just is, OK? Get over it.

What to make then, of three athletes that are competing in this year’s winter games? They are Sun Ching-yang, who has a good chance of winning a medal in speed skating; Lien te-an, who competes in luge; and Mackenzie Blackburn, a short-track speed skater. The first two clearly have Chinese names and they speak Chinese. And Blackburn was born in Canada to a Canadian father and Taiwanese mother. Well, none of these athletes is competing for the People’s Republic of China. They are competing for, um, another country. It is NOT Taiwan (stop saying Taiwan!). It’s a Chinese country, it’s just not quite China.

Turns out this Olympic idiosycracy has been around for a long time.  It was at the Melbourne Games in 1956 where we first saw a delegation from Taiwan (STOP SAYING TAIWAN!). In 1960, Taiwan (STOP IT!) won their first Olympic medal. Along with many other countries Taiwan (ARRRRGGGGHHHHH!) boycotted the 1976 games in protest of the Olympics refusal to ban the New Zealand rugby team, even though New Zealand had played in South Africa in violation of anti-apartheid policy. And then again in 1980, Taiwan (PLEASE STOP. PLEASE.) again boycotted the Olympics in protest of host USSR’s invasion of Afghanistan.

When 1984 came, something strange happened. “Taiwan” did NOT attend as an independent nation (THANK GOODNESS). But another, very similar entity, did. In response to continued pressure by the People’s Republic of China, a new Olympic delegation arrived called “Chinese Taipei.” And that team has competed at every Olympics ever since.

They come from an island off the coast of China. They are ethnically Chinese. But they are separate from the delegation from mainland China. They don’t wave the Taiwan national flag. They don’t sing the Taiwan national anthem. That’s because they are NOT from Taiwan.

They are competing for, um, well, a country called Chinese Taipei. Say it once again, for practice: “Chinese Taipei.”

OK, good, we’re all clear and everybody’s happy. Let the Games begin. Good luck to all nations.

(Now, keep this part quiet.  We here in the United States and most countries around the world aren’t under Chinese rule. So we can cover the Olympics as we see fit. And we can just go ahead and say the unsayable.)

GOOD LUCK TAIWAN!

(Shhhh….)