This week we bring you the best promotion ever: FREE BEER! Next Tuesday, just walk into Foley’s Pub and Restaurant, across the street from the Empire State Building. Channel your inner Irish. Clear your throat. Lift your voice and deliver an emotional rendition of any Irish song. And Foley’s will pour you a free Guinness. Brilliant!

Just don’t choose “Danny Boy.” That song has been bounced out of Foley’s for the month of March. Says owner Shaun Clancy, “It’s overplayed, it’s been ranked among the 25 most depressing songs of all time and it’s more appropriate for a funeral than for a St. Patrick’s Day celebration.” So to make St. Paddy’s more perky, Foley’s is giving away free pints to patrons who’ll sing ANYTHING but Danny Boy. And we want to do our part. To help you, our valued, thirsty colleagues, we suggest the following, upbeat Irish classics for practicing this weekend:

“Cockels and Mussels”: the story of a beautiful girl who sells fish on the streets and dies of a fever

“Fields of Athenry”: a lovely little ditty about the Great Famine

“Whiskey in the Jar”: a noble highwayman is betrayed by his lover and imprisoned

“Red is the Rose”: with the immortal words, “tis all for the loss of my bonny Irish lass that my heart is breaking forever”

With so many peppy classics to choose from, you might want to sing a second…then a third. Who knows, after a few hours, you may stumble home hoarse and happy, humming the final, triumphant verse of “Carrickfergus”:

“I’m drunk today and I’m rarely sober,
A handsome rover from town to town.
Oh but I am sick now and my days are numbered
Come all ye young men and lay me down.”

Yippee!