Enquiring minds are used to dopey headlines near the supermarket checkout.  Stories like “Man Cuts Off Own Head And Lives” or “Cheerleader Marries Alien Twins”.  We all know it’s fake, right?  And those goofy New York Post headlines (e.g. “Hunk Flunks,” ridiculing JFK Jr. for failing the bar exam for the second time) could only come from a second-rate rag, right?  No self-respecting news outlet would stoop so low.  Right?

If only.  Yesterday, scientists announced that the collagen content in the bones of T. rex was very similar to that of modern chickens, which made for some great low-brow copy.  Over at CNN.com, the headline read, “T. Rex Chicken Family Ties.”  Fox News went with “But Did It Taste Like Chicken?” while MSNBC went with the more succinct, “Tastes Like Chicken.”

Everywhere you look, the Fourth Estate has become fourth-rate.  Consider the following sampling of actual PAGE ONE headlines from “real” news organizations, taken over a random 12-hour period:

“Fleeing Suspect Caught After Fake Leg Falls Off” CNN

“Sin City’s Latest Celeb Playgrounds” ABC News

“Love On The Rocks (Penguin Mating Season)” MSNBC

“Secrets To Making Crepes” CBS News

“Best Buy Geek Sued For Taping Shower Girl” Fox News

We then went scanning the globe, and audited those yuck-meisters over at BBC, EuroNews, Kyodo, Al Jazeera, TASS and TF1.  Their hilariously headlined puff pieces are listed below.

Nope, not a one.