GOOD MORNING!  HAPPY SEIS DE MAYO!!!

(What’s that?  We’re yelling a little too loudly this morning?  You feeling the effects of uno or dos or tres too many margaritas at Pancho and Lefty’s Cantina last night? Okay, we’ll tone it down.)

But, lo siento, we have to correct a little misconception.  Despite your warmest intentions, you did NOT celebrate Mexican Independence Day last night.  What you celebrated was the Battle of Puebla, which was fought on May 5, 1862.  The back-story on that episode is that, after gaining independence in 1810, Mexico had wrecked their economy and defaulted on payments owed to Spain, Britain and France.  Those countries sent their armies to collect on the debt, and Mexico cut deals with Spain and Britain, who took their gold and left.  But Napoleon III of France, the most powerful man in the world, wanted more.  So he sent his army into the interior, to take over Mexico and set up a puppet government.  But, miraculously, at the small town of Puebla, 4000 Mexican troops wiped out 8000 members of the awesome French Foreign Legion and repulsed the invader.  Un milagro.

Okay, fair enough, but why should Americans care?  Well, this being 1862, the United States was at the time knee-deep in brother-against-brother carnage.  And Napoleon’s end-game was to take over Mexico, supply the American confederacy with arms and equipment, split the United States in two, and take over the Western Hemisphere.  By miraculously winning the Battle of Puebla, Mexico kept France at bay for another year, which bought the Union time to build the largest army in history, turn the tide in 1863 at Gettysburg and Vicksburg, win the Civil War, and solidify control of North America.

Uh-oh, now you’re troubled.  You thought last night was just a excuse to hoist a few glasses with umbrellas in them.  And now you’ve come to realize that Cinco de Mayo isn’t a slightly racist shout-out to Mexican heritage.  Maybe, just maybe…Cinco de Mayo is a recognition… that the United States owes its existence…to Mexico.

AYE DIOS MIO, NOW YOUR HEAD MUST REALLY BE THROBBING!

(There, there.  Blame it on the Cuervo.  But, if you want to feel better, maybe you should give our southern neighbors their due.  The real Mexican Independence Day is September 16, and you’ve got plenty of time to practice screaming,  “Happy Dieciséis de Septiembre!”)

Now go lie down.  Eso es todo.