Summer is for misbehaving. You can quote me on that.

In Portsmouth, England a man recently got into trouble in Kingston Cemetery. Mourners who were paying respects to their loved ones became upset when the man suddenly started behaving, well, strangely. The police were called, the man was arrested and brought in front of the local magistrate. He was found guilty of using threatening or abusive words and behaving in such a way as to cause distress. His defending attorney admitted the man had been acting in an inappropriate manner. The prosecuting attorney explained: the man had been acting like a ghost. The official complaint was that, “the defendant was throwing himself backward, waving his arms, and going, ‘Whoooooooh.'” (The man received a fine and a suspended prison sentence.)

Meanwhile, there was more suspicious behavior on the Mediterranean party island of Ibiza. Local police who were making random traffic stops opened a suspicious van to find six people engaged in a full-on automotive orgy. All of the van’s occupants – three married couples from Switzerland on holiday – were pulled out, ordered to get dressed, and fined $135 each. And what was their crime? Public lewdness, disorderly conduct or drunkenness? Actually, none of the above. Explained the arresting officer, “Having sex in the back of a van is not illegal. Not wearing a seat belt is.” (By paying their penalty in cash on the spot, everyone received a 50% discount.)

However, these two incidents pale in comparison to a real threat that recently occurred in our nation’s capital. While President Obama was on the North Lawn making a statement about the disintegrating situation in Iraq, a protester was reported to have jumped the fence along Pennsylvania Avenue. Journalists reported seeing numerous Secret Service agents running across the lawn, locking down the area, and ensuring the President’s safety. The protestor was quickly apprehended. Turns out the intruder wasn’t particularly dangerous; it was, in fact a toddler who had managed to squeeze through the bars of the White House fence. Said a Secret Service spokesperson, “We were going to wait until the boy learned to talk before questioning him, but in lieu of that, he got a time-out.” (The toddler was given back to his parents, with no fine or legal charges).

Okay, one more week of summer to go. Behave yourselves out there, or face the ridicule of law enforcement.